unhalofandomcom-20200214-history
Gruntipedia Fun: The Prophet of Prophets
The Prophet of Prophets was a Covenant Prophet as well as the most powerful being in the Universe. Born with red glowing eyes and flames spurting from his ears, he was made the most supreme hierarchical thing in The Fuckvenant until he was murdered and teabagged by his pupil, The Prophet of Haters. BiographyCategory:People who can Kill Master ChiefCategory:ProphetsCategory:Epic ShitCategory:CovenantCategory:People who are oldCategory:People who are awesome Birth The Prophet of Prophets (whose real name is Theodore Aline Markiplier Pewdiepie Rosemary the 2nd, or Robert for short) was born on some stupid, boring and slow-paced planet far away, in the year 2501. His birth was highly unusual: he popped out of his mother's ass when she farted one day. Robert's mom and dad (who was a Huragok) found this birth highly amusing and began laughing their heads off. Baby Robert was instantly enraged and humiliated by his parent's reaction. His rage was so great that it caused his eyes to glow a hot red, and streams of flame began issuing from his ear canals. Robert stood up (despite being 3.7 minutes old) and attacked them. He punched his mom through a car windshield and kicked his Engineer dad in the balls (which isn't hard seeing how he's basically one big floating nutsack) before leaping through the dining room window (despite now being 4.2 minutes old) and running the hell out of town. Early Adulthood Robert wasn't seen again until his mid-twenties when he was discovered being trained by Batman, the second most legendary warrior to ever possess SWAG. (The first most legendary warrior is Master Chief but he don't teach shit to no bitches). Robert had become incredibly powerful thanks to his teacher but unfortunately, Batman left and became an Over-Dressed Space Trooper before Robert's training could be completed. Robert was upset by this and vented his frustration by finding a random Retarded Fuckin Ape and shooting it in the scrotum multiple times with a silenced ninja pistol that is actually really cool despite all the shit Gruntipedia says about it. Discovering a love for the aforementioned pistol, Robert painted it with a Trauma skin and slipped it into his robes, using it as a sneaky assassination gun for years to come. It was then that he realized what his dream was: to use his burning rage, glowing eyes, enormous power, SWAG, sneaky pistol, and huge dong to rule The Covenant. Becoming a Prophet Robert went to the Covenant's recruiting office and tried to sign up to be a high prophet. While the douchebag jackal behind the desk was impressed with Robert's red eyes and flaming ears, he informed Robert that he was too young to be a high prophet. Robert was pissed off by this BIG TIME. His eyes brightened, the fire intensified, and suddenly he leaped over the counter. He beat the jackal to the ground with his dick, grabbed the poor creature, held it up by its neck, and pulled out his sneaky pistol. Pressing the gun against the jackal's head, Robert said "You're going to give everyone here a piece of your mind!" And indeed, everyone behind the jackal got that and a little more. But Robert wasn't done yet! Dropping the corpse he proceeded to wholesale slaughter every other Jackal in the office. His actions were witnessed on the security cameras by the Prophet of Truth, who was most impressed. He gave Robert the job but didn't realize how powerful he was. Robert soon out ranked Truth, becoming the supreme lord of all the Prophets. Because of this, he got a new name: The Prophet of Prophets. From here on out he shall be referred to as "Pop". As high prophet, Pop was known for being ruthless, cruel, angry, and just a general douche. If anyone questioned him, he immediately executed them with his concealed silenced magnum. If anyone fought back he did a bunch of crazy matrix ninja shit and beat them down before executing them with said pistol. But after 7.4 months, he decided he needed a student to train in his awesome ways. He needed an apprentice. The Apprentice After trying to train Starkiller, Pop threw him out. The guy was just too whiny and always bitching about some person named Juno. Pop began his search anew and lo and behold, he found a young prophet named Bill Guy. Bill had a roiling cloud of the dark side around him, with intermittent fields of SWAG. Pop decided he could work with this, and spent two days training Bill how to be awesome. But then he made a terrible mistake. Death During training one day, Pop accidentally called his pupil "Bill Nye". His apprentice was smoking pissed and attacked his mentor, using dual Halo 4 magnums. Pop tried to whip out his secret pistol but he wasn't quite fast enough. Bill put three rounds into pop and did some whirlwind ninja kick flip bullshit and kicked pop's arm off. As Pop lay dying, Bill came up and teabagged him... with his chin. Then Bill cried "Bitch I owned you!" And shot Pop's dick off. That was the end. A legend had fallen. The Prophet of Prophets was dead, and the Prophet of Haters had risen. Pop's story had ended. Or had it?